Luft Stalag 13
by nom-de-plume13
Summary: The SmartGroups Challenge was to adapt the song “Band On The Run” by Paul McCartney and Wings to fit the Hogan’s Heroes universe. Agroovie1 started it off with ‘Banned From The Fun’ and things have snowballed from there. Track Five is now up.
1. Luft Stalag 13

Usual disclaimers apply: I don't own 'Hogan's Heroes' and am only borrowing them for fun, not profit. I also don't own anything having to do with the Beatles, and am only borrowing their song for fun, not profit.

* * *

Luft Stalag 13  
(to the tune of 'Yellow Submarine' by the Beatles) 

In the town, of Hammelburg  
Was a place called Camp 13  
And among, the prisoners  
Was a man called, James Kinchloe

Of the gang of saboteurs  
He's the one we, seldom see  
Always on, the radio  
He's the one that, sends the code

We all live in Luft Stalag 13  
Luft Stalag 13, Luft Stalag 13  
We all live in Luft Stalag 13  
Luft Stalag 13, Luft Stalag 13

He's the second, in command  
But when the mission gets the go  
He's staying in camp to send the code

We all live in Luft Stalag 13  
Luft Stalag 13, Luft Stalag 13  
We all live in Luft Stalag 13  
Luft Stalag 13, Luft Stalag 13

When they are all, back in camp  
And it's the end of, another show  
With the bridge, successfully blown  
Kinch still sends out, the bloody code!

We all live in Luft Stalag 13  
Luft Stalag 13, Luft Stalag 13  
We all live in Luft Stalag 13  
Luft Stalag 13, Luft Stalag 13

* * *

Author's Note: Agroovie1, this is for you! You were so careful to get almost everyone into 'Banned From The Fun'... except you forgot Kinch! 


	2. Another Night In Krautland

Usual disclaimers apply: I don't own 'Hogan's Heroes' and am only borrowing them for fun, not profit. I also don't own the Monkees, and am only borrowing their song for fun, not profit.

* * *

The SmartGroups Challenge takes on a life of its own; but then, most of them do anyway. This time around, it's the OTHER Fab Four taking their turn at the Hogan's Heroes world. So without further ado, I present...

Another Night In Krautland

(To the tune of 'Take The Last Train To Clarksville' by the Monkees)

You took your last flight to Krautland  
The flak guns shot you down.  
They put you in a prison  
And said your war was done.  
But you said no,  
Oh no, no, no.

You dug yourself a tunnel  
And you joined the Underground.  
Where you help the others to escape  
But you don't go, oh no, no, no.  
Oh no, no, no  
And you don't know when you're ever going home.

It's another night in Krautland  
Where there are bridges to be blown.  
And the location of the factory's,  
Not such a secret, any more.  
Oh no, no, no  
Oh no, no, no.

It's another night in Krautland,  
The next mission's under way.  
The charges have been planted, can't  
Stay to watch them blow,  
Might spoil the show, oh no, no, no  
Oh no, no, no.  
But you don't know if you're ever going home.

It's another night in Krautland  
It's another night in Krautland  
repeat and fade out

* * *

Author's Note: This one's for LJ Groundwater, who just HAD to mention the Monkees in conjunction with Hogan's Heroes and songfics. 


	3. Demolition Man

Usual disclaimers apply: I don't own 'Hogan's Heroes' and am only borrowing them for fun, not profit. I also don't own anything having to do with the Beatles, and am only borrowing their song for fun, not profit.

* * *

Now it's back to the original Fab Four, for another go at the Heroes. 

To the tune of the Beatles' 'Nowhere Man', I bring you...

'Demolition Man'

He's the demolition man,

Also he's the camera man.

Hogan wouldn't trade him in for nobody.

Always shares his point of view,

Though you didn't ask him to.

Isn't he a lot like me and you?

Andrew J, please listen,

You're vital to the mission.

Hogan's proud that you're one of his command.

He's as nice as he can be,

Open, honest and friendly.

Always does the best that he can do.

Andrew J, Don't worry,

Take your time, don't hurry

Run the wires, set the timers

Then back to camp.

Always shares his point of view,

Though you didn't ask him to.

Isn't he a lot like me and you?

Andrew J, please listen

Hogan's proud that you're one of his command.

He's the demolition man

Also he's the camera man.

Hogan wouldn't trade him in for nobody

Hogan wouldn't trade him in for nobody

Hogan wouldn't trade him in for nobody.

* * *

Author's note: This file went into hiding on my computer during the 'songfic' run, and I just now found it again. Better late than never, I suppose, though in the case of these things... maybe not. You decide.

This one goes out to Carter fans Becky Cloud and Erin MoCC. Why? Why not?


	4. Life At Stalag 13

Usual disclaimers apply: I don't own 'Hogan's Heroes' and am only borrowing them for fun, not profit. I also don't own the rights to any songs performed by Eddie Rabbit and am borrowing it for fun, not profit.

* * *

Switching gears for a moment, I take you to the country side of life. Yes, I said country. As in country music. If you're not familiar with this particular tune, just think of the pounding rhythm of the windshield wipers running at full speed as you're driving down the highway in the middle of a blinding rainstorm.

That's where I was when this particular track hopped into my head.

Without further ado, I give you...

Life At Stalag 13

(To the tune of 'Driving My Life Away' by Eddie Rabbit.)

It's midnight, searchlights, blind you on a winter's night  
Guard dogs, barbed wire up ahead, slow me down, no time  
And no place to hide.  
They're blowin' whistles, everyone's fallin' out  
Feet pounding in the snow, Schultz is yellin' for roll call  
Klink's standing there waiting.

Ooh the life of a saboteur, the life of a prisoner, for me  
Ooh the life of a saboteur, the life at Stalag 13.

Go out in the night gather up escapers  
Bring 'em back all safe into camp, passports with civilian clothes  
Then time to go to London  
Round up Carter, Kinchloe, Newkirk and Le Beau  
Keep the Krauts on their toes set the charges let'em blow  
And go with Colonel Hogan

Ooh the life of a saboteur, the life of a prisoner, for me  
Ooh the life of a saboteur, the life at Stalag 13.

It's midnight, searchlights, blind you on a winter's night  
Guard dogs, barbed wire up ahead, slow me down, no time  
And no place to hide.  
They're blowin' whistles, everyone's fallin' out  
Feet pounding in the snow, Schultz is yellin' for roll call  
Klink's standing there waiting.

Ooh the life of a saboteur, the life of a prisoner, for me  
Ooh the life of a saboteur, the life at Stalag 13  
Ooh the life of a saboteur, the life at Stalag 13.

(repeat and fade out...)


	5. The Ballad Of Hogan's Heroes

Usual disclaimers apply: I don't own 'Hogan's Heroes' and am only borrowing them for fun, not profit. I also don't own anything having to do with 'The Beverly Hillbillies', and am only borrowing their song for fun, not profit.

* * *

With apologies to Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs, I give you... 

The Ballad of Hogan's Heroes  
(To the tune of 'The Beverly Hillbillies' TV show theme)

Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named Jed  
A young mountaineer who loved the life he led.  
Until one day came Hitler and his crew  
And Jed knew just, what he had to do.

Enlist, that is. Join up. Go fight the war.

Next thing you know Jed's gone and been shot down  
Landin' near the woods in Nazi Germany.  
Ends up on a mission with Hogan and his men  
He blew up a bridge t'help defeat the enemy.

Krauts, that is. Axis powers. The Berlin crowd.

Now it's time to say goodbye to Hogan and his men  
They would like to thank you folks for kindly dropping in  
You're all invited back right now to watch 'em on TV  
Be that on a broadcast, a tape or on a DVD.

Hogan's Heroes, that is. Klink and Schultz. Hochstetter, too.

Y'all are dismissed now, y'hear?

* * *

Author's Note: This is in response to the Flattery Challenge, and dedicated to Jeff Agroovie1's short story, "The Hammelburg Hillbilly", and is posted here with his kind permission. 


End file.
